for as long as i could remember i've always had this void in my life this empty feeling deep deep inside me that you cant quite shake no matter how hard you try it sort of consumes and eats away you have great happy moments and just when you think things are fine surprise
the feelings always comes back it's just a matter of time the constant frustration to filll this void something to ease a pain what's the cause ? nobody knows, that you feel the sad, emptiness every single day it leaves you feeling so empty and down like you missing something somehow something that's a big part of me and once i have it i'll be happy i just need that one thing, this missing key once i get my hands on it i'll be complete
because i tried everything, friends, education, material stuff no matter how hard i try and that seems to be enough it sucks. and i know people tell me that i just need to think more positively or the solution to my problem is self love is not as simple as that not when you've got to the point where you just feel numb i so badly wanna fill my heart with so much happiness it takes all the sadness away my childhood was so dark and angry that i always thought in my adult life things would change somehow, i would no longer feel the same and i don't
things aren't as intense anymore but there's no denying that this feeling is always there and it's something i can't explain i just wish it would go away i always thought when i grow up things will be different i just thought . . . that things would be different you look at other people and they always seem so happy you know you observe people’s lives whether that be in person, social media, tv and it seems to come to them so naturally and i know all of that stuff can be misleading,but when you feel so empty, you can’t help but look and think
why can’t that be me? cause you want that, you so desperately want that,and you feel like you’re doing the right things you know you’re hanging out with friends, talking about it, dancing to silly music and in the moment it feels great you’re in a good happy place sooner or later that feeling goes away. and the emptiness kicks in again do i sound crazy? god i think i sound so crazy i tend to feel alot late at night
and that’s when i write sometimes i’m so overwhelmed with emotion that i just cry and i don’t know why it makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me and it’s sad to admit, that it becomes easier to lie and act like everything’s fine so that’s what i say i say that i’m fine events from my past still affect my adult life i lash out, get down out of nowhere and i can’t explain why it just gets so messed up in my head sometimes
cause you can't escape it, not when it’s all happening in your mind.and so you just beat yourself up and beat yourself up til you feel so small sometimes you can be in a room full of people and still feel so alone i can put on an act and pretend to be tough but deep down i never quite feel brave enough you can feel so small in this big big worldthat i feel like all i have are my words to keep my sense of control these poems, they’re like my therapy you know a way to release and pour out my soul in hopes that it’ll make me feel better
and somehow fill this empty hole one day i’ll able look back at everything and it won’t hurt so much anymore i’ll be able to look back at what happened and not feel so sore cause there’s no cure theres no quick way to fix it, it’s just something you learn to live with but it’ll get easier of that i’m sure you are not the demons in your mind you are not the hurt and pain
you feel on the inside you’re stronger than that you can fight understand that it’s all temporary and that these things take time so chin up breathe allow yourself to feel everything there is to feel you’re going to get through this give it some time
and you’ll heal
